31 Days: Day 4:: Losing Momentum and Priorities

I can already feel myself losing momentum over this 31 days series. There were half as many views of my Day 3 entry as there were of my Day 1 entry, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse to stop, even if I am the only one to read them. And I honestly don't write entries to generate "traffic" so it doesn't matter anyways.

I spent a large part of today thinking about priorities, specifically in relation to how my priorities relate to how I care for Adeline. I am not going to lie and say that before having a child my house was immaculate all of the time, but undoubtedly it was much easier to keep a picked up and clean house (and I consider those two different things - my house might be picked up, but it is seldom as clean as I would like).

When I was working full-time after Adeline was born (months 3-9) I really struggled with trying to find time to tend to our house. I just never felt like I could stay on top of things, but I wanted to. And then last February when I officially became a stay at home mom, I was like the energizer bunny those first few weeks at home. If Adeline was sleeping I was sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, dusting, laundering - you name it, I was busy doing it. And it felt amazing. And then the momentum and euphoria and adrenaline wore off and I started to feel worn out. So I started spending naptimes napping myself or perusing the internet or some other brainless activity.

So back to priorities. I will be the first to admit that with Adeline down to just one nap a day, it is hard to feel like I have "me" time during the day. And I didn't sign up to be a stay at home mom so I could have "me" time, but with any job it is nice to have even 5 minutes at some point in the day to decompress. Combine that with my desire to get things done around the house, and I frequently find myself disengaging from my daughter during the day. And I feel really guilty about that.

I just can't figure out what the appropriate balance is between actively playing with her and interacting with her and also expecting her to entertain herself so I can shower, fold a load of laundry, unload the dishwasher, or clean a bathroom. I know this will likely get easier the older she gets, but I feel a lot of guilt right now about doing chores while she is awake. I can't tell you how many days I plan on spending the 7:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. hour cleaning. And then that time rolls around and I just can't bring myself to do it. And then the next morning rolls around and my guilt rolls right in with it.

Adeline has been very fussy this week, and that is likely due to teething, but I don't know that for sure. So again, I feel guilty and a part of me wonders if it is because I just am not doing a good job of engaging her. I don't want her to look back on her childhood and think of me as the mom who wouldn't play with her. I know I'm probably overreacting, but these are the crazy things that go through my mind. Just keeping it real people!

I really don't mean this to be a pity party, that isn't the point. It just feels good to get it out there, if you will. I am curious how other stay at home moms find that balance during the day.

Anyways, as for what we actually did today...we went to our second MOPS meeting this morning. Adeline didn't do as well in her classroom this week, but again she has been off all week. I had a good time. I feel like it takes me so long to get to know people sometimes, but I really am excited about being a part of it and am looking forward to making some new friends.

We also met some friends at Red Robin for dinner tonight. Apparently Thursday night is family night there, so they had a guy dressed up as the robin walking around and Adeline went CRAZY for him. She laughed at him, waved, and danced. So funny! We came home and after Ad was in bed I took another long walk with my neighbor. Good thing too because I felt so gross after eating that yummy burger! I don't eat out a whole lot anymore and now I find that when I do it is so easy to overeat and I always regret it! Note to self: only eat half the burger next time.

TGIF tomorrow!